*buy*

If I could, I would buy your time that is slipping away from my arms into the hands of your obligations. I would pay any price to relive those moments that were supposed to be cherished by us today but it's only me reminiscing the bygone days. I would purchase our giggles that have now turned into awkward smiles. They say, " change is inevitable". Only if I could exchange it with my emotions, I would pay any amount of my laughter to get that "change" in my favour. I would happily surrender my joys just to be in your embrace even for a second. I would buy those kisses that seem to be lost amidst our silence. Strolling around the memory lane today, I found imprints of forgotten promises lying under the rubble of my broken hopes. If I could dust them off and bring them back, I would put an effort to regather those broken pieces. Life is short. I would spend any sum of money just to spare few of your precious minutes into my worthless proximity. If "priceless" was an amount I could afford, I would buy you.

*promise_me*

It's true
I have a way with words
They've become a part of me
But when at times I fail
I fail to utter them
I fail to make you realize
How special you are
To my soul
I fail to decorate
My emotions
With my assets of words
When feelings choke
Right on my throat
Obstructing the flow of words
Promise me
You will understand my silence even then,
I know I look sorted
My life has a routine now
Scheduled events
Pieces perfectly synchronised
Pretty organized, right?
But a day might come
I might become a mess
I might stop understanding
The so-called "routine"
I might have a hard time
Realizing the "path" I'm headed to
This well managed girl
Might some day become
A puddle of imbalance
Promise me
You will hold on to me even then....
Promise me
You'll see the sunshine with me
But,
Promise me that
You will stay with me
to bear the terrifying nights as well...

*justlikethat*

Just a hello and I'm done. I'm not replying any further I swear. I can do it. I can ignore him.
 "Hey! How have you been?"
Oh! he replied. 'Lonely' was what my fingers wanted to type.
" Good and you?"
I lied.
After months of no conversation I had finally gathered courage to say a 'hello'. It's strange how we had to force ourselves to sleep after our never-ending chat and now.. Now I need a reason to start talking.My phone beeped.
" Fine "
Fine? Seems like he doesn't want to go beyond the 'How are you'-phase. We are familiar with that phase, right? A new person initiates a talk and you don't want to take it further. So, you just have a 'How are you' chat? I'm sure everyone can relate.
It is the zillionth time I'm opening up his profile and looking at the same picture of his. Such a bore! Never changes his dp. What if he is typing a long text describing how he'd missed me all this while waiting for my message. Oh my! Look at my cheeks. I'm blushing. That's not going to happen, stupid.
Or, what if he is collecting words to frame a proper sentence as he might have been shocked by my text after a long time? But wait, ...he ? And collecting words? Words come to him oozing out of his mind, he just needs to pick a few. He has always been a master of words.
Ughh! He isn't going to initiate. I'll text him again. What shall I say? Umm.. should I ask him about his college? Like I don't know he graduated last month. What a creepy stalker I am, damn.
 ' Do you miss me?'. Wait , no .. backspace backspace.! Okay let's just type :-
' When are you planning to return Nepal?' and Enter!
........
As his name changed from 'Arush' to 'Facebook User', ' You cannot reply to this conversation' was the only reply I received after that .

*mess*

" I want to sleep with you." ; I said as I gulped in another shot of black coffee. His eyes poked straight into mine as he held my hands and left the cafe.

His dark messy room was filled with the scent of cigarette and alcohol; just like his mouth. The undone bed, unwashed dishes told a lot about his unsettled heart. Yet there was solace amidst his chaos. A long deep breath felt fulfilling here rather than my luxurious apartment.

Hastily, he tried dusting off the books lying on the floor when I went close him , pulled him over to his bed and whispered into his ears ; "It's okay. I love the mess you are. Sometimes it reminds me of myself."

Digging myself into the bed, I asked him to sleep besides me. It was six in the morning. I hadn't slept last night and few of the previous nights. As I turned my back towards him, he wrapped me in his arms from behind. There were layers of clothes against our skin preventing us from feeling each other yet it felt as if he had been touching my soul since forever.

In an utter silence of the room, all I could hear was a vivid sound of his breathing and faintly overpowering heartbeat. I loved it how our breaths synchronised just like our hearts did. After a long while, I felt relieved. The intangible burden that I carried all this time seemed to have found a resting place. Indeed we were broken, but at the right places. The broken piece of his heart exactly fit into my hollow one. Sometimes you don't want to be healed. You just seek for someone sharing a similar pain as you. You know things won't change so you just look for a shoulder to lean on at times of stress.

My husband wasn't a bad person. He tortured me at times but loved me when he didn't. His day started with a gentle peck on my forehead and ended on a whip on my waist. I didn't object. I was used to it. I was used to the pain followed by a  simultaneous sweetness. When the one hurting you, kisses the bruises he created, the pain doesn't subside but intensifies. It was the same with him. Every breath I took in his presence choked me deep within. I feared his touch and his aura suffocated me to the core.

I knew I was at fault. No matter how many times he bet me black and blue, he never cheated. I did. I was lying there in the embrace of another man happier and satisfied. I couldn't help it though. Somedays when I felt like sleeping without the help of a tablet, I came to him. He never hesitated nor did he ever question. He listened and that was pretty enough. He gave me what I could never receive from anyone else ; his silence....
- ♡