Diary!
Please accept my heartfelt apology for not addressing you as "dear". I have never understood the concept of pseudo gratitude. Since it's just been a day that I have known you though we'd met earlier, I shall say it when I truly mean it. I am sure that moment isn't far away.
I know it is really selfish of me to remember you only in need. You had been placed untouched among other useless notebooks since a very long time. You might find it too much of a cliche to be decorated with a letter on the very first page but I couldn't come up with any beautiful idea either. Forgive me for being such a bore.
It might sound rude but if I can't be loyal to you , I don't know where else shall "loyalty" hold good in my life? You are one among the other fancy diaries I have been gifted with on my birthdays so far. From the beginning of my love for writing, I have in a way made it easier for my friends to choose a gift for me. They need not take their precious time for deciding what to gift as writers always need a diary, right? I will share you a little secret now. Most of them lie their untouched. I don't intend to disrespect the feelings that have been attached with the presents my friends offered but most of them have these beautiful colorful pages. My heart aches to scribble on them and defame their beauty.
Now that you've realized I have chosen you as you were the ugliest among all, trust me when I say this, you will be the most precious one. As I write, you will be the spectator of the tough times I will be going through . You won't be embellished with a beautiful handwriting nor by the multi colored pens girls mostly use. Your pages will be filled with sweat my palm releases as I write out of fear and frustration. When I run short of exact words to frame a sentence, you will be blemished with many cuts and dark scribbles I use to hide my errors. You won't smell of lavender or roses but of the tears and turmoils I will be going through.
Even though black will be the only color you will see throughout the journey , you will be well acqauinted with my various shades. I shall bleed black into your proximity but there you will find many colors reflecting my state of mind. Some days you will have to bear with my mood swings and the rest with my insecurities. You will deal with my pride and my downfall at the same time. Since people have basically given up on me ( which is fair enough looking at the mess I am ) , you will now be my next best friend , my soul mate , my better half or whatever terms that are used to describe one's closest person. You aren't a person but I will treat you as one. I will talk to you, hug you when I'm tired and express my frustrations when I feel like. I know you won't complain. That's why I have chosen you.
You know how a selfish human mind works, right? I might not remember you when I am happy. The days I don't write, you will know I am enjoying something else and have probably forgotten about you. Don't get upset then. Even though the day might feel warm and your absence might not haunt me, you will be the star shining over me when night engulfs me in it's darkness. At last the only thing that matters is who stays in your tough times, right?
As I sum up this letter, I won't promise you that I'll come back because all my previous diary-writing attempts have failed miserably. I merely wish you won't be the next. We shall meet when my heart gets filled with emotions and starts searching for pages to explode.
Until we meet next time ~
Would- be yours,
Pragya
👌 awesome 😊
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